Big television leads to big dreams

Published 8:58 am Wednesday, December 8, 2021

It’s that time of the year again that makes it so hard to not spend too much money. I say that because I am a television fanatic and this time of the year they seem to be on sale everywhere. Every time I go to the store, my wife has to carefully direct our route to avoid the electronics section, or else I will come home with another television that was too cheap to pass up. The minute I think that I have found a TV that is big enough, I find one bigger than I have to have. I already have one that makes the weatherman’s head look as big as the broad side of a barn. I can remember when I was younger, a television was a major purchase. Now, I purchase them more than I purchase underwear. Maybe that means I buy a lot of televisions or maybe that means I need to change underwear more often. I’m not sure.

My schedule stays active these days so when I get a day off where I have nothing going on I enjoy sitting down and enjoying my TV. Yes, just me and 65 inches of paradise. I was doing just that recently when I became interested in some cooking show. Before long, my eyes became droopy and I must have drifted off to sleep. All I know is that I was dreaming about swimming in a pool of Lasagna. When my wife came in and tried to turn the channel, I woke up and pretended to only be resting my eyes, I continued to surf a few channels and I began to watch a nature show. Before long, I found myself dreaming once again. This time I was a grizzly bear running through the woods. When my wife nudged me and woke me up she said that I was growling in my sleep.

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I sat there with the remote control in my hand and began to think to myself that if I get to come back to this world after I die that it wouldn’t be so bad coming back as a bear. I say that because bears get to lay down and take a long, undisturbed winter’s nap for several months. I could definitely handle that. In addition, prior to laying down for their nap, they get to eat everything in sight without a second thought. So half the year I would get to eat everything I wanted and the other half I would get to sleep. Where do I sign up? I tried that once and the only thing I got for my trouble was realizing there is actually a reading on the bathroom scale that says, “Holy cow. Only one person at a time on the scale”.

I would also like to come back as a bear because people normally leave them alone. If by some chance you do come across someone in the woods they leave you alone and instantly run away in fear. That’s pretty awesome as well. I wouldn’t have to worry about engaging in small talk about the weather with anyone or asking how old your kids are now when I really don’t care. They would see me and start to run thus I could avoid the whole situation.

It seemed like every time I would begin to watch a show I would fall asleep and start to dream once again. I would write more but I just started watching a bikini contest on TV and I’m feeling sleepy. This should be an awesome dream.